So as always seems to happen when the universe has been screaming really loudly at you for some time that you should really think about stopping…or at least slowing down… it throws a massive brick wall in your path to forcibly stop all activities for just a few days.
The past three days I have been sicker that I can remember being in a long time – so sick that I literally could not get out of bed for longer than 20 minutes. The bottom line being that I needed to stop and take stock.
I needed to rest, some time out, to recoup and regenerate and to think about what the really important things are.
I could barely think yesterday and the day before but in a moment of clarity it came to me today.
I am completely out of balance. We have not managed to get the house back in order after the renovations yet, I’ve been doing silly amounts of travel for work (especially for someone who doesn’t really do work travel that much), I’ve got about sixty books and half finished craft projects lying about the house, volunteer work that I am barely on top of, a partly completed Certificate IV in training and Administration and that doesn’t even include the paid job or the housework.
I need to be honest with myself – there just isn’t enough time in the day.
I know that I need to get rid of some of the bits and pieces but I am often of the mentality that why should I have to make sacrifices in order to be the working mum?
I realized that sometimes I need to start being honest with myself and saying no to the things that I want to do but don’t have time RIGHT NOW.
The Gourmet Garden competition is the perfect example of something that I should have looked ahead at the coming months activities and said to myself – you know what right now you just don’t have the time and there will be other opportunities that come along.
The sad thing is even though I have been so sick these past couple of days – I don’t feel like the two and a half days off normal life (i.e. the days the children are at Childcare) is going to be enough. I need more time than this to recoup.
It saddens me because it is when my thinking gets like this that I wish there was something wrong with me so I could go and check myself into a hospital for a rest, for someone to look after me until I felt as though I was able to manage it all again. I know that this sounds like depressive, disordered thinking (and please don’t think I am going to go and harm myself in some way because I’m not) – I am just expressing the thoughts that go through my head daily in words.
Do other people feel like this too or is it just me?